To directly address your question, while I cannot be the judge of what is queer or not queer, I do think there are a few potential things to consider. When a so-called “scientific” classification system systematically excludes millions and millions of people, we must ask ourselves if the problem is with those people, or if the problem is with the classification system itself. Trans women were misidentified at birth as men because our simplified sex and gender binary has decided that all penises are male and all vulvas are female, but as many societies across time have known-and what we are simply rediscovering now in western colonialist society-is that such a reductive distinction leaves out millions of women with penises, men with vulvas, and non-binary trans people who are neither women nor men, or who are both a woman and a man at the same time. Trans women aren’t male, aren’t born male, and don’t have male genitals. While our society conditions us to be unable to see a penis as anything but male, that is a projection of identity and dominant cultural assumptions onto the body of another person, rather than an immutable, biological truth inherent to the penis. There is no such thing as male genitalia on a trans woman, because she is a woman. This means that the body a transgender woman is a woman’s body, even if that body happens to include a woman’s penis.
There is one thing that I think it’s important to address before I share a specific answer to your question, which is that transgender women are women, full stop. As there is increasing visibility of transgender people and other queer identities online, in our media, and out in the world, I think it’s important that we grapple with questions like yours directly and intentionally. Thank you for sending in this question about such a vulnerable and personal topic. I reached out to Sara Connell, sex positivity educator and host of the Queer Sex Ed podcast, to respond. Can “queer” be included in your marketing efforts? You put your best images out there without making a false impression. To me, online dating (especially profiles) are part marketing. But others would say no, that I cannot use “queer” unless I date men. Now, intersect that with the usual “am I queer enough” problem.Īm I queer enough because I play with penises on trans women? I’d say I’m at least queer adjacent. It would also get rid of homophobes who otherwise would be interested. If I called myself queer, I’m guessing more poly/kinky folks (like me) would be interested. Can I call myself queer for that? If I do, I’m guessing that I would get more interest in online dating from transfolk or people who consider “queer” a selling point. I accept them as women, so I had no problem with the penises. That means I’ve dated some transwomen who still had male genitalia. If you have a sex or love question you’d like Jera to answer, email DM Jera on Twitter can use the word “queer” in a dating profile? The best term for me is gynophilic. Just the Tip offers smart and compassionate sex and relationship advice from queer non-monogamous kinkster Jera Brown.